Raunch
Bishops of Bastard Presents: Raunch & Righteous (also known as Raunch & Righteous 4 and Raunch Whore) is a Spec Script for a webcomic created by Darnell Deepwell and written by Mickey Random. This installment of the series takes place roughly 540 years before The Raunch and the Righteous: Devil May Strip and predates all other stories of the series, save Lux Facies. The focus of the series shifts back to the Church covering the meeting and marriage of the Cardinal's parents Jolen-Heli and Mia Arrabo. According to Bishops of Bastard Foremost Part 3, Sage Jolen leaves Invisibase to set up the Universal Library on earth. But the major problems come from his own Church after he takes a human wife and makes her a Lady Bishop over all of the female church members, something never done before in any eastern orthodox church at that time. __TOC__ Plot October 1448. Janissary Captain Jolen-Heli returns to Constantinople after a successful military campaign in Kosovo under Sultan Murad II. He meets with his Lord Bishops Darius and Stefanos to confirm the status on a printing device that will be used to make books for the Universal Library. Jolen is visited by his former mistress the Magistrate, who discovers that Jolen is really on earth to seek a human wife. Jolen tells Magistrate to return to Invisibase. Jolen is in need of Arabic typefaces for his printing press and visits the local Imperial Library for information. After Jolen leaves the Imperial Library, Berber princess Mia Arrabo overhears the conversation and gives Darius the name of her uncle, a metal smith. Jolen and his Bishops visit the print shop where Mia’s uncle works and the monk agrees to make the much needed typefaces. Jolen goes in search of Mia and learns that she is engaged to a nobleman back in Morocco. Although Mia is in the city to shop for her wedding, she’s actively seeking employment and plans to never return to her homeland and go through with the forced wedding planned by her mother. Mia finds employment as a seamstress with a Portuguese mistress, but later quits her job after discovering that her mistress makes uniforms for the Turkish army. Jolen continues to court Mia and Mia resists him, until Jolen heals Mia’s sister of malaria. Mia then becomes infatuated with Jolen after he reveals to her that he is a Lumi-Visian Sage. Soon, Jolen and Mia are married and she is pregnant with his child. Magistrate is furious over their union and secretly joins forces with Hæysux overlord Dagon to destroy their marriage. Jolen makes Mia the Church’s first Lady Bishop. Dagon works through Stefanos to make Mia feel like she doesn’t belong in the Congregation and Magistrate sends Mia’s mother Elizabeth to the Church to add more stress to Mia’s pregnancy. After Stefanos is excommunicated for assaulting Mia and Elizabeth is told to leave, Mia gives birth to a baby boy named Jolen Dindar Sahte Sofu. Mia is then sent back to Fez to live with her father while Jolen goes off to fight with the Turkish army. It is a choice Mia doesn’t agree with, but she obeys her lord and master and stays at her father’s estate during the war. Mia returns to Arrabo Castle to find her mother Elizabeth waiting for her. Mia shows detest for her mother and never lets Elizabeth near the child. One day Mia discovers that her child’s face is swollen and blames her mother for putting a curse on the baby. After a metal plate grows in on Jolen Dindar’s face, Elizabeth asks Mia if she can put the child out of his misery (by sacrificing it to Dagon). Mia tells her mother to take the baby. But Jolen appears to Mia and tells her to leave her father’s estate. After retrieving Jolen Dindar from Elizabeth’s chamber, Mia’s father sends her to stay with her sister. One day in 1453, Mia receives a letter from the Turkish army stating that Jolen was killed by Christians in battle. Although she mourns for him, Jolen appears to her in his Lumi-Visian form and tells her the war is over and that it’s safe to return to the great city. Mia and Jolen Dindar return to Constantinople only to find that it is now called Istanbul. The Sultan gives Mia and Jolen Dindar suitable shelter within the city walls and watches over them. When Jolen Dindar comes of age, he ascends to Invisibase to meet with his father. Jolen Dindar is ordained a Diocesan Bishop and told to build chapels all over the world in the name of his father. But Jolen Dindar feels his father’s name is too holy for him and men to utter and changes his name to Pia Arrabo. Pia befriends other celestial beings like Captain Seren of Denzenhut, son of General Dyno-Might and Sirius Stoutkong of Kratolego, son of Emperor Tamarin Stoutkong. Pia and Sirius go to earth where Magistrate and Dagon have arranged for Pia to be kidnapped by Hæysux legionnaires disgusted as nomadic merchants. After Pia is abducted, the Sages send Pia’s four cousins to rescue him from the Hæysux. The story ends with Pia’s cousins descending upon the slave caravan to break Pia out. Quotes MURAD II: You know what’s unique about a woman? She can give you something that nobody else can. JOLEN: A hard time? STEFANOS: The only light these folks see is the warm fire under a pot of hot soup. DARIUS: Stefanos has a point. The only time people ever really come here is for free food. JOLEN: It’s a start. Nobody used to come here at all. BEATA: You are a Berber princess, are you not? MIA: Yes, my lady. BEATA: Then why would you work for a half-breed Spaniard mistress for servant wages? MIA: Because some wages are better than a life-long prison sentence disguised as a marriage. BEATA: My mother tried to marry me off to a cardinal, but I knew that I could never be his wife because of who he truly loved. MIA: Another woman? BEATA: No. Young boys. MIA: Oh my. MIA: Did Allah send you here? JOLEN: No. MIA: Are you a Christian? JOLEN: No, I’m not. MIA: Are you a Judaist? JOLEN: Mia, I am the Masked your Bastard. Characters *Jolen-Heli – Lumi-Visian Sage of Wisdom who seeks a bride to beget an heir *Mia Arrabo – young Berber princess from Fez who visits Constantinople *Dagon – Hæysux overlord, ruler of Caprasecks, enemy of Jolen-Heli *Elizabeth – Mia’s mother who believes Jolen is using sex to controlling Mia *Magistrate – Jolen’s pathological former Lumi-Visian mistress *Darius – Persian businessman and Lord Bishop who handles Church finances *Stefanos - Jolen’s most trusted Lord Bishop and a gladiator *Mesha – Mia’s younger sister who loves to shop *Ishtar – Mia and Mesha’s promiscuous young cousin *Jolen Dindar Sahte Sofu – son of Jolen and Mia, a newly ordained Diocesan Bishop *Seren – captain of the Exo-Threm army, son of Dyno-Might, friend of Jolen Dindar *Sirius Stoutkong – Arch Bishop, son of Emperor Stoutkong, friend of Jolen Dindar *Nasir – the Sheikh who owns a lodge for Muslim girls only *Dubai – a Sheikh who owes several bath houses in Constantinople *Beata Rico Monte – Mia’s employer and mistress *Nador – Mia’s father, architect for the city of Fez in Morocco *Zar Iberia – Mia’s boorish fiancé and a wealthy nobleman *General Dyno-Might – Leader of the Denzenhut people *Emperor Tamarin Stoutkong - Ruler of the Babodrill race *Tama-Cider – Lumi-Visian Sage of Knowledge, Jolen’s older brother *Muta-Ramah – Lumi-Visian Sage of Understanding, Jolen’s younger sister *Sayler Dangru – Jolen’s personal guard *Aurum Norser – Jolen’s personal guard *Kiko Basin – Jolen’s personal guard *Matthuyah Kabinda – Jolen’s personal guard *Lord Shinar – male Lumi-Visian noble of Jolen’s court *Lady Warka – female Lumi-Visian noble of Jolen’s court Raunch & Righteous Gallery R-r-4-title-card.jpg|Title Card Rr4-sm.png|Tile Graphic Next-tues-raunch-4-MED.jpg|Bishops Goes Medieval! Tomorrow-raunch-righteous-4-MED.jpg|Wedding That Ends The Middle Ages raunch-and-rightous-teaser-poster-MED.jpg|Unused Poster ---- ---- Category:Bishops of Bastard Presents The Raunch and the Righteous